Mumtears is a registered nurse, a wife, and mum of two daughters, currently aged 23 and 20 years old. She lives with her husband of 27 years, the father of her two daughters. She says: “Because of my currently unpopular thoughts, and because of not wanting to cause harm to my family, I feel I need to remain anonymous. I also started a blog a while ago, but- frankly- I haven’t kept it up. I am not very technologically sophisticated. If you want to read what there is in my blog, you can find it at myheartandhope.wordpress.com.” She can be found on Twitter @Mumtears1 and is available to interact in the comments section of this post.
I have been a registered nurse for 30 years. From childhood, I always wanted to be a nurse. I really feel like being in the nursing profession was a “calling” for me.
While going through my post-secondary studies, studying for my Bachelor of Nursing degree, I recall being taught that, in all conditions, medical and nursing treatments should always begin with the least invasive way to treat that condition. I was taught that this was best practice care for the human body.
I have had many years’ experience working in Acute Care Pediatrics at our local children’s hospital. It was there that I learned that children are not simply “little adults”. Pediatric patients require specific attention and care, due to their rapidly developing minds and bodies. Their bodies and minds function very differently from adults. Medications and treatments are all prescribed based on the child’s body weight. They also cross different developmental stages at different rates on their way to becoming adults.
For the past 7 years, I have been working at a very busy family practice, caring for all types of patients with all types of concerns, from birth to the very elderly. I work with a family physician who also specializes in transgender care and sexual health. I have seen, assessed and cared for countless adult transgender patients. They comprise a combination of male-to-transgender and female-to-transgender patients.
Almost 5 years ago, my youngest (then 16) daughter expressed to her dad and me that she “thought she should be a boy”. That was the day our family life changed in ways we never anticipated. Throughout childhood, our daughter never presented as stereotypically “masculine”. She never outwardly expressed to us any kind of discomfort. She appeared to be mostly happy. A bright spark. She loved to play outside: doodle with chalk on sidewalks, sandbox play, climb trees, ride bikes. She smiled often. She loved building with Lego, playing Polly Pockets and with tiny toy horses. She enjoyed making tiny crafts, including models of people and animals made of Sculpey clay.
She was also very academically smart, reading beginner short novels before entering Grade 1. She taught herself how to tie her shoes and how to ride a bike. With the help of her father, when she was about 8 years old, she built one amazing bicycle from two used bikes purchased at a garage sale. In Grade 4 she challenged a Math unit about fractions and passed the final exam with flying colours, even before the unit began. She was musically advanced, playing beautiful piano tunes at age six, wonderful tenor saxophone solos in junior high. We had her tested for giftedness by a school psychologist. He told us that she was “just below” the gifted category.
We parents did begin to notice some general, social discomfort in late junior high, but we assumed that this was normal teen awkwardness, which can happen during puberty, so we were not concerned about it. We were absolutely blindsided by her proclamation that she thought she would be a boy.
My older daughter never had a temper tantrum when she was a toddler. I thought it was down to good parenting. How wrong I was. When our younger daughter was born, she behaved quite differently from her sister. Different personalities, which was not surprising to us because my husband and I are also very different from each other. Our youngest daughter started having temper tantrums at 18 months of age, which lasted 4 long years. Then, it was like a light switch turned on. Suddenly she realized she could settle her emotions down by reading quietly, alone on her bed. After just over 4 years of a frequently chaotic time, our house and family seemed to be at peace again. It was lovely.
Thinking back to this time in early childhood, I thought my daughter’s gender discomfort might be a similar phase for her. I still think it might be. I pray that, with time and life experience, she will develop an acceptance and comfort about her female body, and a knowledge that being the female sex does not have to place limits on her happiness and what she can accomplish in life.
Before daughter told us she thought she should be a boy, I had already seen and assessed countless adult transgender patients. They comprised a combination of male-to-transgender and female-to-transgender patients who ranged in age from late 20s to early 50s. I admit that I when I first started working in family practice, I was very naïve about what “transgender” means. I noticed that all of the adult transgender patients I met also had comorbid mental health issues, which had not been fully resolved and, in some cases were severe/debilitating. My professional duty was (and still is) to provide excellent, compassionate nursing care to these patients. My personality is compassionate, empathetic and caring. I learned some of the transgender lingo; for example, “top” and “bottom” surgery. I’ve administered countless testosterone injections. I’ve changed the dressing on the donor arm of a young 20-something female-to-transgender patient who had recently undergone phalloplasty surgery. And now, after I administer these injections, I’ve found myself in the staff washroom, trying to compose myself for my next patient. Watching female erasure (in particular) causes me much sadness, partly due to what is going on with my own daughter. But mostly due to the fact that I am an adult female-born woman.
As I already said—but it’s worth saying again–I was taught that, in all conditions, medical and nursing treatments should always begin with the least invasive way to treat that condition. I was also clearly taught that pediatric patients have smaller, ever changing and rapidly developing bodies and minds, and need to be treated differently from adult patients. I was taught that physical, mental, and emotional development in children is ongoing, well into the early to mid 20s. Because of my knowledge about child development, both body and mind, I don’t understand why the medication Lupron is being given to healthy-bodied children. This medication is approved for use to treat adults with advanced prostate cancer and endometriosis. In children it’s used to slow down precocious (early-onset) puberty. It’s only in the past few years that it’s being prescribed for children who have gender dysphoria. This is an off-label use for this drug and it’s being given to healthy-bodied children even though there has been no research done to determine its safety or efficacy regarding gender dysphoria.
And we know that puberty blockers lead in most cases to cross-sex hormones. Why is the current first-line treatment for gender dysphoria in young, healthy bodies off-label, unstudied cross-hormone prescriptions? Young adult females can go into a family doctor’s office, state “I’m transgender”, and be handed a Rx for Androgel. This is what happened with my daughter, over a year ago. She never filled that particular prescription. However, last week she notified her father and me that she plans to start taking testosterone. She’s in a lengthy queue to be seen by our city’s gender specialist/psychiatrist and is impatient. She gave us no concrete reasons for wanting to start taking testosterone. She demonstrates little outward discomfort when she is in our home or when interacting with extended family.
She had one visit with the same family doctor who gave her the previous Androgel Rx. She told us that he told her what side effects could occur (while reading from a computer screen). She told us that he did not discuss reproductive planning with her, and that he gave her no written information about any of the side effects. She told us that he gave her the prescription and some bloodwork requisitions. This family doctor did not take a multidisciplinary team approach; he acted on his own. He did not refer her to an endocrinologist to check her hormone levels. He did not send her to any mental health professional, who could have assessed her for the source of her discomfort and possibly provided her with other less-invasive treatment options, such as cognitive behavioural therapy. How is the way in which this family doctor gave my daughter this off-label cross-hormone prescription medically ethical? In my province, family physicians can be the primary prescriber of cross-hormones. While using a multidisciplinary approach might be a good practice, it is not mandated. I’m currently trying to find answers via our provincial and national medical associations. The answers I’m looking for aren’t forthcoming.
I know that in no other medical or other health-related case would something like this happen, with regard to the prescription of off-label medications. I’d like to give you another home-based, common-sense example: Young adult child says to parent: “I have a really bad headache.” Think about this. Would it make any sense for the parent’s first response to be, “Your dad has some leftover oxycodone from his recent surgery, which he no longer needs to take- here, have some!”? Of course not. What would make medical/practical sense would be to first check that the young adult isn’t dehydrated. It is known that dehydration can cause headaches. “Try drinking some water and see if you feel better”. That would be the least invasive thing to try at first. If drinking water didn’t help the headache and if the young adult child had no know allergies or health conditions, it would be appropriate to next offer them acetaminophen, dosed per the package instructions. It is known that acetaminophen is a very effective analgesic, with a low incidence of side effects. If the headache persisted, perhaps it would be appropriate to then try a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory, such as Advil. There might be some inflammation in the neck or jaw muscles, causing the headache, which, if reduced, could relieve the headache. It is known that Advil is a mostly safe anti-inflammatory medication, with low potential side effects.
Recently I attended a Medical Education Session, which was held at a recent clinic retreat. The session was about low testosterone levels in adult males and testosterone replacement therapy. What I learned is, that for male bodied patients, the recommendation is that if the testosterone bloodwork result is low, it is important to clearly understand the patients’ symptoms concerns and general health. If the patient’s symptoms are low and the patient is not concerned, then giving the patient a prescription for testosterone is not advised. This is because there are also many side effects that can happen from taking testosterone, which can cause negative symptoms/concerns for the patient–especially if these male-bodied patients also have other health concerns. I learned that this is appropriate safe medical care for male-bodied patients.
I’ve done my own learning about testosterone. The pharmacy companies’ printed drug information about testosterone products states that this medication should not be given to women. It has never been studied in female bodies. Also, there are no long-term studies which indicate safety or a positive result for females who take this medication. Physicians are prescribing it “off label”.
I have been trying to learn as much as I can about gender dysphoria and its treatment. I have read many studies, documents, medical association websites, etc., and continue to do so.
When I learned about the newly recognized “rapid onset gender dysphoria”, I realized that much of its description matched what we were/are witnessing in our youngest daughter. Currently there is little known regarding care or treatments for young people presenting with rapid onset gender dysphoria. And few physicians are even aware of this phenomenon. There has been a dramatic increase, over a short period of time, in the number of teens and young adults who are seeking care for being transgender. And the demographic for which sex is declaring transgender has also changed. There are now more natal females than males with this concern.
With all that I have learned about rapid onset gender dysphoria and current treatments for it, I have more questions: Why are these off-label testosterone prescriptions being given to young healthy-bodied female patients as a first-line treatment for gender dysphoria? Especially since it is known that testosterone causes permanent body changes in female bodies, making it an invasive and irreversible treatment. Why are physicians prescribing these off-label cross-hormones without doing further assessments to ensure that this is the best treatment for their patients? I believe these are reasonable questions to ask. I believe these are prudent questions to consider. It is not transphobic to ask these questions. Many parents are asking questions like these. If you’re a parent wanting to learn more and connect with other parents, you can check out: https://gendercriticalresources.com/Support/index.php
I have recently learned that my daughter has likely started her testosterone prescription already. I found the receipt for it in her room at home, for low dose Androgel, from a pharmacy our family never uses, so I know that she has purchased it. She is currently living away for university, in a city which is a 2-hour drive from our home, studying in an arts program there. She has never told any of our close extended family anything about her gender dysphoria. We all live in the same city and see each other fairly frequently. Our older daughter (a graduate with a degree in Cultural Anthropology) knows and supports her sister’s claims, but that is all.
Our younger daughter had the opportunity over Christmas (two Christmas dinners actually), to tell anyone in her extended family about her plan to start testosterone. She hasn’t said anything to any of them. Nothing about her gender dysphoria. I’m sure that it will be upsetting to many of them. My daughter and I text back and forth. We text about her activities (theatre, parkour). About her classes (she studies hard and gets excellent grades). About her saxophone practice (she recently was accepted into the university’s wind orchestra). I am proud of the person she is. I see so much potential for her to become an amazing woman and I am sad that she wishes to erase her female body. Frankly, I believe that “gender” is a crap concept, which is why I don’t discuss this with her. Ever since she first told us her thoughts, we have been clear in telling her our concerns. It’s up to her to think about what we have told her. We hope that she will undergo some work to understand the source of her discomfort, but we know that the decision will be hers to make. She tells us that she loves us. We have clearly told her that we love her and always will. We financially help support her post-secondary education. We want her to have many good job opportunities. We want her to have a good life and be happy and healthy. I dread her voice changing. I dread seeing her beautiful face change. And I find myself wondering if she actually needs to go through all of this, in order for her to “find herself” and come out the other side. The birth name we gave our youngest daughter means “strong”. I thought this would serve her well. We continue to use her birth name because we have not given up hope. As parents, we were never prepared for any of this. And as a registered nurse, I am very disturbed by all of it.
Thank you, Mumtears, for your perspective as a mother and a nurse. I remember finding your blog way back when my daughter started this whole ordeal. I think you were the only one out there at the time blogging about their daughter, it was comforting. Then 4thwavenow started (3 years ago) and what a relief it was to know that we were not alone.
It must be so difficult for you to treat the young women in your practice knowing that it could be your own daughter. Have you been able to talk to professionals where you work about your concerns for giving females testosterone even though you know that there hasn’t been any long-term studies on the effects on females? Is it possible to bring up the subject? Have you talked to people individually to know what others are thinking about this? What about your family doctor who prescribed the androgel for your daughter?
I hope our daughters comes to their senses sooner than later.
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I am a bit of a luddite, so if you get 2 replies from me, it’s my mistake :P.
Yes, I’ve spoken with the family doctor I work with, as well as other RNs who are my colleagues there, about my concerns. They all seem to understand my concerns, but at the same time they truly believe that they are providing safe care to these patients. It’s difficult to reconcile these two thoughts, in this current SJW climate.
The family doctor who gave my daughter Rx Androgel is not my personal family doctor. I don’t know him, however he is in the same practice as my personal family doctor. My daughter was only seen by him 3x last year and then once over the Christmas break. I have not met him yet regarding my concerns because she is an “adult” and I have no legal right to do so.
I hold the same hope for our daughters which you stated.
I have a 25 year old son who is transitioning to female and is on hormones. It has been a very tough battle for us. He dropped the bombshell on us after college. We love him to pieces, but refuse to address him by his female pronouns and female name. He has isolated himself for us which has been tough for us.
I hope you are open to what I am about to suggest. I understand you are subsidizing your daughter’s college, but it appears you are not holding her to account to get help. I do not know your whole situation, but I would certainly pull my money away if she did not get the proper help she needs. Even though you are against what your daughter is doing, she is also being enabled by not being held to account. I think this is part of the difficulty of how inculcated our culture is to not do the hard things with our children when necessary. I have always told our kids, I am your parent first and your friend second. If you think about it, when students often accept scholarships, there is usually a pretext of good behavior and good grades to maintain the scholarship. Why should it be any different when we subsidize our children’s college?
We actually had to ask one of our daughters to move out when she was in her early 20s. At the time, she said we hated her. She has come back to us years later and said that was one of the best things we did. She started to grow up when faced with the reality she was on her own. We often do our kids a disservice when we allow them an easy road.
I really feel for you and also being a parent of a transgender, know how difficult this road is. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
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I am pretty familiar with all of the research on this topic and I am a loud youth transition skeptic. And while the public is heavily manipulated by the narrative that your child will kill themselves if you don’t transition them right away that is highly questionable what is not questionable is very poor mental health in trans people not supported by their families. I think it makes sense to have a young adult take responsibility for their own mental health and their own transition as an adult, even financially. And I’m not saying transition is always right or a panacea. But anything that comes off as punishing or ultimately not accepting of the person is in fact harmful and there are multiple studies that prove that.
Yes. And I would note that there is a difference between acceptance and accepting what they are doing.
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In our ROGD support group, there have been different reactions to pulling support for college. It often causes estrangement from the family, but it does not halt the march toward hormones.
The situation with our daughter sounds very much like that which Mumtears describes. Many of the young women claiming to be trans now are academically gifted — ours is no exception. We won’t support her college if she doesn’t keep up her grades. She is now injecting testosterone (that statement is so surreal that I still can’t believe it’s true, but it is). We have spoken openly with her about our concerns and continue to hope that our close relationship will help enable her to break out of the trans narrative at some point. That’s all I wish for every family going through this unconscionable nightmare.
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Tricky and difficult issue and I sympathize with all who are coping with it and struggling to decide what to do. Spouse and I talked and talked and TALKED about this and in our case, when our kid announced trans self-ID and started demanding access to T (already in college) we told her we could not stop her but we would not be any part of paying for or facilitating that medical course of action.
However, we also told her we would continue to pay for her education as long as she continued to make satisfactory academic progress. the kid has terrible abandonment issues (already) and in the end we decided not to exacerbate that by pulling support. Transitioned or no, the kid has to make a living in the world.
In the end — she has not gone forward with her stated plan. As yet. (This is where she falls down in the insistent/consistent/persistent paradigm, which I don’t really believe in anyway. She’s consistent and persistent, but she’s not insistent. Only in times of high anxiety/stress does she decide she needs to transition. When the stress abates the urge apparently goes away.)
From what I hear, most of the kids who are determined find a way to transition w/o family support — setting up gofundmes or whatever. some of them get good financial support form their colleges that are heavy into virtue signalling.
It’s a mess and I have no judgement for any parent who decides to do things differently than we have thus far. You know your kid, you make your choices accordingly. In this situation all the choices are fairly rotten.
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“We have spoken openly with her about our concerns and continue to hope that our close relationship will help enable her to break out of the trans narrative at some point. That’s all I wish for every family going through this unconscionable nightmare.”
We have done the same. We don’t want our daughter to fully estrange herself from us or our family. We’ve always spoken openly with her about our concerns and hope our parental relationship and her relationship with her family will be what helps her decide that she can just be herself and accept the healthy body she has. To be clear, once we learned that she indeed had started this Rx, we kept to what we had told her all along. That making such an important decision causing permanent changes should be done as an independent adult. We no longer send her money to pay for her food or rent. And we’ve been clear that we will never financially support any changes she wants to do to her healthy body.
Thank you Mumtears for your very moving account from which I also learned a lot about the medical use of testosterone. You have been patient and accepting while still being quite clear to your daughter about your concerns. I hope that this phase will pass and she will see how strong your love for her is
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I am very sorry to hear your story. This is our story too. Our daughters seem similar–yet our daughter did this when she was older. No hints this was coming. She was a typical girl.
I fear not only an erasure of the body but an erasure of the self.
Not all people assuming a transgender identity have dysphoria. That is one of the mysteries involved.
From your perspective as a nurse, you understand the harm that comes from these medical interventions.
How strange to be in your place and care for these patients over the years and probably assume, well, that is just who they are. That over-used phrase! You also observed in these patients that mental health problems are a common denominator. (I am not trying to put words in your mouth.)
Then, it hits your family. You understand that “this is not who your daughter is” and learn that society will cheer on any transgender proclamation. The testosterone is handed out as easily as an aspirin.
Thanks for sharing your story. I hope your daughter will come to her senses. I hope the people that pass out the testosterone will come to their senses.
The prescribers should be held accountable for all of the harm they have caused.
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I appreciate your perspective Mumtears.
One observational study of the immediate impact of testosterone treatment on females transitioning to male showed that testosterone impaired mitochondrial function and created a state of oxidative stress in the subjects’ white blood cells (See: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24251401).
Oxidative stress is associated with neurodegenerative diseases, gene mutations, cancers, heart and blood disorders, and inflammatory diseases among other pathologies (See: https://www.news-medical.net/health/What-is-Oxidative-Stress.aspx). Other things that cause oxidative stress are smoking and excessive drinking. As with smoking, I suspect women using testosterone will not become sick immediately, but their lives will ultimately be shortened as a result of using this drug. I don’t have any medical training, so I would love to hear your take on this Mumtears.
I also wonder what responsibilities doctors have when they prescribe drugs off-label. Can they be held responsible when they do harm by prescribing off-label? Are the absolved as long as they inform the patient that the risks are unknown.
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It is just shocking that teens and very young adults are prescribed testosterone.
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Mumtears, my daughter was in her 40s when she told us she was transgender. It is difficult to watch your offspring change from female to male before your eyes. I can say for myself it was as if my daughter died and someone else took her place. I have finally accepted who he is. He is still of my blood line, still learning and growing, and is honest. I support him every step of the way, he lives on his own, uses androgel, has grown a mustache and goatee, and attends church every Sunday. Who am I to judge my offspring, this person is an adult and is accountable for his own decisions. He is my only child. I too am a RN and can truly say i understand where you are coming from as far as hormone treatment concerns. I was worried when he first told us of his hormone usage and body changes. Now I am more accepting of him, proud of how he has handled his transition, and support him every step of the way.
Anurse4u, when it gets to that point with a fully adult child, your approach is really the only possible one to take. To me, there is a very big difference between a 40 year old (or even a 30 year old) making such a decision and a 12, 16, or 20 year old making such a decision. Presumably the 40 year old has matured enough to have good executive function and has lived long enough to truly be able to weigh the pros and cons, especially the necessity of becoming a lifelong medical patient with potentially life-shortening consequences of hormone administration. Not to mention, the 40 year old presumably having a clear idea regarding any desire to ever have biological children.
I wish your family all the best.
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Our family is going through something similar. I read your article and felt your pain, grief worry and confusion in your last few statements. All I can say is that whatever the outcome it sounds like you have raised a very bright and capable young person and all will be well as it sounds like you have a great relationship
Thank you for sharing mumtears I am grateful for parents like you who are willing to share your life. I know the pain it’s causing not just for you but your whole family. That’s the thing nobody thinks about the family left behind
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So far as I am aware, there has been no research done on women who have taken testosterone for 30-40-50 years. This makes sense because to the best of my knowledge there are no, or very few, such women. I do note that, in contrast to men who have taken female hormones long-term, there also do not seem to be very many testosterone-taking women over the age of 50. It seems that generally these women die young(ish) but this may be mostly anecdotal. The one group of women who were heavy testosterone and other male hormone users, athletes from behind the Iron Curtain in the 1960’s and 70’s, do not seem to have lived very healthy or happy lives.
Preliminary data suggests it is harmful to be on female hormones. For starters, females on added female hormones have increased risk of breast cancer. I know Rene Jax, a transgender who wrote “dont get on the plane” who has been on female hormones for 27 years and it is taking its toll on his body (I heard him speak last November). My son, who is on female hormones, has put on a ton of weight and is pre-diabetic. He was not over weight before. Clearly not good.
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I started T 1988 and have heart problems among other and physical and mental health problems, especially this past seven years. I had the complete gender change surgery 1988-1992 and have suffered many problems since. No one is interested using me in a long term study, not even the hospital where I had the surgery . Sad and frustrating!
Hello, I am really sorry this happened to you. Thank you for coming to share your story; I have a feeling that young girls who watch the “magical transformation” videos offered by Chase Ross and others, probably don’t think there is another side to the story. But – as your experience demonstrates – once the euphoria of getting what you want wears off, and a person has to live life for many years after the medical procedures – the picture grows much more complicated. It’s actually barbaric that it’s okay to carry out medical experiments on women.
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My heart goes out to you as I go through a similar scenario with my son who i think is on the cusp of taking hormones. I know he has co-morbid issues and we probably live in the same damn province that will do everything to help transition people but nothing for mental health help. I have seen other on this thread tell you to accept. I say, “Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”
The only advice I can offer is to try to keep her issues quiet so that if she decides she can back away without a feeling that everyone knows. Pride can make people do crazy things. I hope she is almost out of University. That might help. All the best.
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I hope your daughter desists soon, or that although she has got it she is not actually using it yet! I have read some accounts of women who have desisted after starting testosterone as they did not like how it made them feel. Hopefully she will see the light and realise that unnecessarily becoming a life-long patient is not liberation, it is entrapment. She can be any kind of woman she wants to be. But in any case I wish you strength for the road ahead.
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Sorry to report that she did start the rx. We have told her, and will continue to tell her that it’s okay to stop. We’ve been clear in telling her that we will always love her and simply want her to be healthy and happy.
You are being such wonderful parents on this tough road with your daughter. Hope that she soon sees the reality of this path that she is on at the moment, and finds self-acceptance.
I would like to see a response from a 16 year old female taking Testosterone and give a good testimony of the best results that she has gained from using that deadly drug. I notice that my daughter is supported by a bunch of people but yet none of those people take the drug. So one thing is supporting another thing is being in those shoes. I want to hear the positive effects, I already understand the negative effects. It would be nice to see in reality from someone that is actually taking it and can guarantee us that there are no bad side effects and that your child is in the best health after starting to take Testosterone. I totally disagree that there are doctors out there that prescribe that drug as if it was Tylenol or a cough syrup that only makes you feel better and not kill you slowly.
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Bear in mind that whatever the short-term effects of testosterone on a teen female (generally reported as energizing and exciting, along with the physical effects), this says nothing about long-term risks and harms–not something most 16-year-olds are particularly concerned about.
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Im FtM and started T 1-26-88 and suffer irregular heart beats, high anxiety, insomnia, hot body temperature at night, on and on and on! I had the completed gender change surgery 1988-1992 and had to undo it due not being able to pee. I had a fistula in 1992, scare tissue in 2001, couldn’t pee in 2012 and then had to undue the bottom surgery. I’ve suffered 30 years from testosterone and gender surgery. The hospital will not use me as a long term study of the effects from T and surgeries. In the beginning it helped but now its living hell. In and out of the emergency room and nobody thinks its from the gender change. Crazy.
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I think I speak for everyone on this blog (in fact I know I do) when I tell you how sincerely sorry we are that this happened to you. It is just absolutely terrible. You must be in such a scary and unknown place and it must be awful. I have a son who is seriously and chronically ill and I know a little bit about the fear of having medical problems that won’t go away.
I wish there was something we could do to help! I’m sure it probably doesn’t make much of a difference, but you really do have our sympathy and empathy. You are very brave for coming here to tell your story. I wish there was some way to make it so that some of our younger folks could listen, and hear.
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Thank you for caring. I’m glad I found you folks. I have gained so much knowledge and feel supported knowing people here want to get this information out. You folks are more educated than the therapists I have gone to. Not many people want to hear about the dangers of testosterone and gender change surgeries. There are several people in Portland who have transgender life experience and want to share the truth but are shut down. Keep talking about this.
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Harley, I’m praying you find true peace and love.
Luz, I think you’re absolutely correct that many of the trans-identified kids are surrounded by people who are, in a way, egging them on (i.e. “supporting” them) for reasons of their own, yet who have no intention of actually undergoing those same medical procedures or suffering the same consequences. It’s incredibly trendy to have a “trans friend,” but in this case, the support and approval comes with a price.
In terms of the side effects of taking testosterone, one thing to remember, too, is that these girls are incredibly primed to expect amazing results. The placebo effect is real! For so many of them, getting on T is the Holy Grail, they expect all kinds of fabulous things to happen, so unsurprisingly enough, they do. This is especially true when the kids have untreated, co-morbid psychiatric issues, at first there is a euphoria and seeming liberation from all problems but later on, the pre-existing issues are always going to re-assert themselves.
Finally, basing an overall opinion of T on the short-term impact would seem a bit short-sighted, right? When someone starts taking any mood-altering drug, whether that be a harmful one or not, generally life improves. How many people, upon starting to smoke or drink or take illegal drugs, didn’t feel (in the short-term anyway) like that drug magically solved all their problems? That’s why people keep on using, after all. The problem is balancing the effects that begin to assert themselves over time.
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Right on target worriedmom! My son started female hormones and that is what occurred. Happy at first, but then anxiety and depression got worse over time. I went to a psychologist and discussed this. He said he could take cocaine and get the same desired effect. I think we all know the long term effects of cocaine are not good.
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But taking anti depressant or anxiety medication does not give as horrible side effects and T, I am talking about the damage inside their human body, they will literally have to remove all female organs in order to avoid all sorts of cancers or discomfort, their anxiety and mood is supposed to get worse, their health is supposed to get worse not better, they will be happy in the long run but medically sick. Without health we are nothing! I rather my child to take cocaine than T, cocaine addicts are more happy and they don’t have to worry about having all sorts of surgeries and pains. the next day they are normal as any human being. Giving my child T is like giving her a death sentence and slow death.
Mumtears, please please please forgive what I am about to say. I have spent so many months, being so very upset and angry at the people who have helped/facilitated our/my beautiful young daughter transition into someone who is unrecognisable. From a mother who has been emotionally blackmailed into taking her 20 year old daughter on a 200 mile plus journey in the next 3 weeks to have her healthy, beautifully proportioned breasts removed, to a quivering wreck. I have to admit, I have blamed people like yourself who are too happy/ready to inject this poison into our healthy kids bodies, to the surgeons happy to remove healthy body parts in the pursuit of making a qick buck for an exotic holiday with their family. My question has always been…..would you be so quick/ happy for someone to perform the same on your young daughter. I suppose you have answered that question. I am truly sorry that you and yours are going through the same agony that we are experiencing, however I also believe that until the professionals like yourselves, the councillors and surgeons unite and speak up against this mutilation of our young, nothing will be done to stop these barbaric practices. I Also have no doubt that this will not be published.
You have nothing to be sorry for regarding posting your reply above to me. We are all doing the best we can do as parents, with the tools and information we currently have.
When I first started administering testosterone injections it was when I started working at the family practice, 7 years ago. I only administered these injections to older TIFs (who had made these decisions as fully-formed adults- they were 30-50 yrs old). At that time, I never even saw any younger TIF patients. This current trend in children, teens and young adults has only been going on for the last 5 years or so. I am an RN and I am not a prescriber. Working in a busy family practice, the RN does the procedures and follows the prescriptions which the family physician orders. First do no harm: Yes. Giving intramuscular injections in a clinic setting, using proper aseptic technique, is the safest way to administer any prescribed injectable medication, when the patient is unable or unwilling to learn how to self-administer these medications.
I had only worked for 2 years in the family practice, prior to my daughter claiming to be transgender. That was 5 years ago. Based on my nursing knowledge and life knowledge about my daughter, I have never accepted her claim. I felt so very alone, and I am eternally grateful for finding 4thwavenow and other parents going through this from the same perspective. During the past 5 years, I have done countless hours of research into this. I continue to do so. There is certainly an agenda at play in our society. It is harmful to many young people, mostly females, and their families. Identity politics harm.
I do not currently administer testosterone injections to young TIFs. I am emotionally unable to do so. Most of the RNs in my family practice are aware of my concerns and the situation with my daughter, and they have been willing to do these injections for me. I am not “quick/happy” about any of this. However, my nursing job at the family practice encompasses so much.I love providing nursing care for patients from beginning to end of life. Out of thousands of patients, there are only a few transgender patients seen at our family practice clinic. They are primarily seen by the one physician (out of 15 family doctors in our clinic) who also specializes in sexual health and gender care. He runs a clinic outside of the family practice but a few of his transgender patients have him as their family doctor. If my daughter was ever to become a patient of this physician, I would have to leave my job at my family practice. From an emotional standpoint, i would not be able to work there.
The pain and heartbreak you have for your daughter is palpable in your message. I too have so much pain and heartbreak for my daughter. I felt that I needed to respond to your reply and to answer your questions. I created a detailed reply for you but I feel it is much too lengthy to post it here. Is it possible for me to contact you privately about this? Via twitter messaging perhaps?
I hope to connect with you. You are definitely not alone.