Genderqueer teddy bear teaches toddlers proper pronoun etiquette

You’re never too young to learn about pronouns.

While far too many of us have been snoozing through the 21st century, other intrepid souls have been busy, busy bees. First, they succeeded in convincing mainstream lesbian and gay activists to adopt transgender identity politics. And that has been a fait accompli: Now all major LGB organizations are steered and funded by trans activists, with a predictable mission shift. Over the same time period, university students were brought on board with “gender”(formerly women’s) studies, their brains heavily gummed up with postmodernist gobbledygook.

In more recent years, a new frontier has been pioneered: the open minds of high school, elementary-age…and preschool children.

Just one example is the educational YouTube channel Queer Kid Stuff –sort of a Sesame Street for the preschool gender ID set. The channel has posted three episodes so far, each about 3 minutes long—perfect length for the short attention span of young kids. Clearly much thought has been put into appealing to the little ones. There’s a catchy musical theme, a colorful set, a loveable and gullible teddy bear, and sing-alongs with Lindsay, the ukelele-wielding narrator-teacher.

Episode 2, “What is Gender?” seems to start off on the right foot. Lindsay challenges gender stereotypes, telling Teddy that girls can have short hair and wear a tie. Or long hair and tiaras. It’s all good!hair-and-tiara

Naturally, as with All Things Trans, this gender defiance is presented as if having a certain haircut, wearing what you want, and generally not conforming to sex stereotypes is a brand-new concept.  Funny: We dinosaurish Second Wavers thought we had already taken care of this in the 1970s/80s (how very wrong we were).

But anyway, so far so good…until a confused Teddy plaintively says…

 Teddy: But Lindsay, I still don’t know if I’m a boy or a girl!

Lindsay: Good, Teddy! Did you know that some people aren’t boys OR girls?  Some people are boys…some people are girls…and some people are people


Not-boys and not-girls—they’re people! (Translation, I guess: “genderqueer,” but maybe that term is too loaded for even Lindsay to use.) But there’s no way around the standard-issue definition of transgender, which Lindsay dishes up next:

”…people who do not identify with the gender the doctors tell them they are when they are born

Bad doctors!

Do tell, readers. When you were 3 or 4 years old, would the words “identify as” make any sense to you? Can you picture your mom or dad casting aspersions on those dumb doctors who jumped the gun, and stupidly TOLD your parents you were a boy or girl?

Poor Teddy, trying to hang onto sanity despite a head full of fluff, takes a stab at unraveling this mess:

Ok. I think I understand. But if there are boys and girls and people and all of them can wear ties and dresses…then how can I tell who is what gender?”

Teddy’s befuddlement is no doubt shared by all the poor kids being subjected to this educational series (who’d much rather be outside playing in the mud with other children–aka “people”–than worrying about what “gender” their playmates are).

That’s actually really easy, Teddy. All you have to do is ask someone what their pronouns are. When you meet someone, just ask them what their pronoun is.   

It’s easy, preschooler. Just take a few minutes out of your busy play day to inquire whether Jimmy or Judy were assigned the wrong sex at birth by doctors—you know, doctors, the people your parents told you to trust when they jabbed you with those ouchy pre-K shots?


Teddy takes a moment to take this in, then asks, in an appropriately awestruck tone,

 Lindsay…what’s YOUR pronoun?

Lindsay looks pleased as punch.

 I use “she.” What’s your pronoun, Teddy?

Wait for it… 

I don’t FEEL LIKE a she or a he. So I guess my pronoun is “they.”

The FEELZ! Lindsay’s response?

 That’s really awesome Teddy.

And the pièce de résistance, the obvious point of this little indoctrination session:

 Now we want to know YOUR pronoun in the comments below. 

As of this writing, “What is Gender?” has been viewed over 4000 times, and the comments are overwhelmingly positive. How many parents will be sitting their kids down in front of this episode while they’re doing household chores?



In this Brave New Gender Identity World, toddlers and preschoolers are no longer allowed to just freaking play. They have an “awesome” responsibility to ask their playmates—many of whom aren’t yet toilet trained and still fervently believe in the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny– what their pronouns are. Being a boy or girl isn’t about your body (how old fashioned!) or even about what you play with, or wear, or how your hair is cut.  It’s all about the FEELZ.

Lindsay could have done some good with that video. She started off by supporting kids in defying sex stereotypes. But instead of continuing with the idea that girls and boys can wear, look like, or play with whichever toys they want, Lindsey instructs Teddy about “gender” and—we can’t put too fine a point on it–PRONOUNS.

Any parent—or anyone else who has even passing knowledge about normal language development– will tell you that most preschoolers don’t even know what a pronoun is, but Teddy is instructed that to be polite, you should ask people what theirs are!

Now I’ll just touch on Episode 3, “What does queer mean?” (over 5000 views as of this writing). The video description: “Lindsay and Teddy explain what queer means with a song about unicorns!”


Teddy, queer isn’t a thing, it’s an idea! 

Ok. Now maybe we’re getting somewhere. “Queer” is an idea– as in “ideology”?

Poor Teddy:

Teddy: Ohhhhh….wait. I don’t get it.

Lindsay: Queer isn’t a thing like this crayon…or this watch. Lots of people have a different meaning for the word queer.

You can say that again.

Queer has to do with being…different. And how everyone is different from everyone else. 

Once again, Lindsay is in danger of actually making sense here.

 Some people are different because they’re gay, or because of their gender. You can be different in lots of ways….We are all a little different, or weird, or even strange. And that’s a good thing! So I guess we are all a little bit queer.

Raising my hand here: If that’s the case, Lindsay, why can’t we just dispense with the term entirely then?  We’re all unique and boys and girls can do and be anything they like! But no—Teddy the genderqueer teddy bear has more to learn.

 Teddy: Me too?

Lindsay:  Of course, Teddy! Why don’t I teach you a little song about unicorns to help you remember.

Help you remember what? Why does Teddy need a song to “remember” that everyone is different?

Of course, Lindsay isn’t really saying that everyone is queer. Implicit in her message is that queer people are different from those boring gender-conforming types (the “cis” boys and girls), who exist only in the minds of trans-identified people. Otherwise, why does Lindsay need to “teach” Teddy and the toddlers forced to watch this stuff what queer means in the first place?


The insipid song is all about horses (obviously symbolic of “cis” and boring as hell) vs. unicorns who are “different” and being “different” is fun.

As Lindsay finishes the horse-unicorn song, she reminds us that this is not just singalong time, but education:

And now Teddy, it’s so much easier to remember what “queer” means

Because 3-year-olds need to “remember” what the trans activist brigade says! At all times.

And Teddy is on board:

I’m so excited I learned a fun new word with you.   

Fun? It won’t be that much fun to go to the gender doctor (a different doctor from that dumb OB-GYN who “assigned” you the wrong sex) for those puberty-blocker implants and cross-sex hormone shots and surgeries you’ll need when you figure out you’re “really” the opposite sex, Teddy.

This video, too, has plenty of fans in the comments:


Child development expert and online gender educator Lindsay also has a video up about what it means to be gay. While it could be reasonably argued that preschoolers are too young to learn about sexual preference, some of these kids likely have parents in same-sex relationships. And of course, some of them will grow up to be lesbian, gay, or bisexual themselves–although there will be fewer than in bygone eras when there weren’t “gender therapists” watching like a hawk for signs that babies might be transgender. But the glaring difference is that little kids who might grow up to be LGB don’t need grooming into the idea that they will eventually need hormones and surgeries to “be themselves.” Come to think of it, Lindsay should maybe make another video for the trans-toddlers to let them know they will never have little kids of their own to watch fun vids like this if they follow the usual 100% sterilization route of medical transition.

QueerKidStuff is not just a YouTube channel. They have a Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and website, and tout their Patreon fundraiser page at the end of every video.


Where does this idea come from that young children are anything other than the boys and girls they were born as? Maybe from “gender educators” like Aidan Key:

The way a classroom discussion might go for younger ages is “How do you know if someone is a boy or a girl?” And they’ll list off some reasons: Boys have short hair and girls have long hair. But then they’ll look around, and there are girls with short hair and boys with long hair. So they’ll readily counter what someone offers, and that’s an amazing conversation — is there anything they can find that really is exclusive? So when they say, “Boys have a penis”? That’s when the conversation about being transgender comes in: You can say some people happen to have been born with the body of a boy but the heart and mind of a girl.

The “heart and mind” of a girl?

So little kids are being taught by gender-addled activists to kowtow to an ideology which is undermining common sense, bodily integrity—and the reasonable parents who until recently were not labeled hateful “transphobes” for simply teaching their children about what is real vs. what is fantasy.

From toddlers to graduate students, the gender propaganda juggernaut is moving forward with all cylinders firing.



56 thoughts on “Genderqueer teddy bear teaches toddlers proper pronoun etiquette

  1. The only saving grace to any of this is that (while I guess it’s news to the makers of these vids), they’re not teaching grammar in any grade in school anymore. I’d bet my bottom dollar that a high school senior couldn’t tell you the definition of a pronoun, much less a 3 year old.

    My other reaction is … how incredibly, bizarrely confusing this is going to be for little children. Telling them that they can’t, actually know the difference between the sexes by looking at a person could potentially put a child in danger – for instance, we all know that women, as a group, are MUCH less threatening for children than men are. I’d trust a child in a ladies’ fitting room or rest-room way before I’d send them into a men’s space. When my kids were little I always told them, if we get separated, look for a police officer or a security guard, but if you can’t find one, look for a mom and ask her to help you. It’s not 100% fool-proof but it sure increases the odds.

    Apparently now there needs to be an element of doubt for children. Children can’t trust their own eyes and ability to tell who is who. I can’t even express how reckless (funny how that word keeps coming up) this is, Not to mention, for children at an age where they can’t even reliably distinguish between fantasy and reality, this is an extraordinarily sophisticated topic, and one that does not even need to be addressed at this stage. What conceivable benefit is there to a child, other than to introduce them to the idea that they, themselves, may be the other sex, or “queer,” and thereby grow the trans ranks still further?

    Liked by 4 people

    • I’ve been saying for a long time there’s an element of pedophilia to the trans movement the way it has been for a long time now. Confuse the kids so they don’t know which class of people is more dangerous (especially sexually). Get them used to male nudity in the locker rooms so they don’t think there is anything wrong with it when some pervert shows them his genitals in the playground. I bet you anything pedophiles are supporting them financially. F*cking gross.

      Liked by 6 people

      • @ lr1290
        Yes, yes you’re right. Trans (surgery) advocates scoff, mock and call them transphobic bigots to anyone who even raises the possibility that pedophiles will exploit the movement. As much as it may seem like a ridiculous conspiracy theory to think that some criminal pedophiles are the financing the movement, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to deny that something dark and suspicious is happening in light of the recent transgender bathrooms issue. A simple solution for a possible MtF transgender sharing a bathroom or lockeroom with very uncomfortable girls was having a one-person stall or a series of them so that there was more privacy. That was completely ignored. The forefront for “bathroom equality” may be just misguided and think they’re doing good. However, some of the quiet donors–and this is what I think–are indeed criminal pedophiles exploiting the misguided so that they can continue to sexually abused children. It makes complete sense once you factor in that sexually abused children often keep their trauma secret for years, even decades after the fact where it is extremely difficult to prosecute the abuser(s). Now, a confused child or teen may keep quiet even longer because the signs of sexual grooming are more hidden, or the abuse is “normal” or even for fear of being called a “transphobic bigot”.

        This is absolutely atrocious.

        Liked by 6 people

      • The documentary “An Open Secret” is about the (adult male)pedophiles who were created, supported and participated in what was basically a stable of underage boy actors living in a mansion in LA. While they were getting acting jobs, they were also extensively groomed by the men who were their managers, agents, photographers, etc. There were parties where the boys were given drugs and alcohol, skinny dipping parties with older powerful agents, and an undercurrent of coercion. Many of these boys were from small places far away from Los Angeles, so the premise was that by being away from their families and friends that they would be able to get acting work they could not otherwise get. The documentary is on YouTube. There was plenty of horrible powertripping and sexual abuse.

        Sadly, I suspect there will be many parallels with regards to the predatory behaviour of adults towards (allegedly)trans kids

        Liked by 2 people

    • “Children can’t trust their own eyes and ability to tell who is who…”

      It’s my belief that one of the main goals of the gender identity contagion is to tear down female boundaries, which is just one of the many reasons it is so endorsed by liberal men and patriarchy in general under the guise of “progressiveness.” The book “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker, in which he strongly advises women to listen to their instincts and to treasure fear as a survival mechanism, could easily be called “transphobic.” Gender Trender also had a post one time about how The Girl Scouts is now promoting this, essentially telling girls not to trust their instincts and put their fears aside when it comes to males in their spaces.
      It is absolutely dangerous, horrific and breathtakingly hateful of the female sex.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I’ll have to look at that Gender Trender post but – as a (now former) Girl Scout leader of 15 years, I’m happy to say that the trans agenda did not really filter down to us in the “rank and file.” Fortunately I was never confronted with the spectacle of a biological male wanting to be part of our all-female space and I have to say, that would have created significant problems for us. One old slogan that GS used to use was “where girls grow strong,” and that’s the one we tried to live by.

        Liked by 3 people

  2. I have an elementary school age kid-I have no idea what I should tell him if he starts learning about this trans insanity. As far as I know it’s not being pushed in his school, at least.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Even more frightening was listening in on a LONG LECTURE by these very same gender doctors and psyches at a conference recently posted by GenderTrender which occurred in Santa Cruz. They want to.go after chuldren as young as 2 years old!!!

    I dont fucking care how you mess up your body at age 18, but to go after kids 2 and up?? What a goldmine for them.if they can.convince their parents to go along with this pseudo science bs!!!

    Talk about reparative therapy and eliminating any crossing over gender lines or ELIMINATING the gender straitjackets ALTOGETHER.

    We will have to wait a generation till all the class action.lawsuits start rolling in!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Does anybody else remember The Sneetches by Dr. Seuss? It’s a very funny but cautionary story about two groups of Sneetches, one of which had stars on their bellies and one of which lacked “stars upon thars.”

    The star-less Sneetches are super-unhappy and jealous of the be-starred Sneetches, until one day an enterprising fellow shows up with a machine to put stars where they weren’t before. Then needless to say, NOT having a star becomes the prestigious thing, and it goes on from there. There’s a wonderful picture from the book where all the Sneetches are ceaselessly running through the “star-putter-onner” machine and then through the “star-taker-offer” one.

    Suffice it to say… by the end of the story… all the Sneetches are hopelessly confused, and the guy with the machines has all their money!

    Wouldn’t this be a better story about gender for a 3 year old than Creepy Gender Bear?

    Liked by 11 people

  5. IDK why you can’t understand that our gender identity is just as real as your sexuality, or why you can’t understand that all these trans-trenders and fetish cross dressers hopping on the trans band wagon are not true trans and just undermine our credibility.


    • Yes, it’s real… in your mind. Mentality and feelings are real, too, but it’s also very real in people with mental disorders. You may have missed the several posts on this blog where studies show that most transgender beliefs subside with time and that persistent transgender beliefs are often associated with autism spectrum disorders.

      Fake trans people–that is, those who lie about their feelings of being the opposite gender–do get on the bandwagon to receive tangible or intangible benefits is a problem. The bigger problem is that this blog is trying to address is the dogmatic pseudo-scientific ideology and treatments hoisted onto youngsters who *may* have the quite ephemeral feeling of being the opposite gender. Leading “scientists” are (blatantly) ignoring basic psychology and biochemistry to justify trans treatments, as well as those who did transition in hopes of being completely cured still having negative effects that the “doctors” said was supposed to fix. *That* is actually undermining the credibility for the trans movement. Unfortunately, mainstream media doesn’t know or care about the frankly scary pseudo-scientific dogma being pushed within the movement, which many of the authors and commenters here are trying to expose and address before more people get hurt.

      Liked by 6 people

      • In 1977, (at age 21) I decided I was an adult, mature enough to apply for a gender reassignment. Alas the “experts” at the time said I would be a “homosexual”. This they considered to be a mental disorder. So they gave me aversion therapy.

        I was declared ‘cured’. For decades, in total self denial, I even tried to cultivate the “healthy natural sexuality” that they told me would be there… somewhere, but of course I never did discover it.

        Inexplicable chronic dysphoria finally resulted in my attempted suicide in 2013, but on recovering I finally recognized it for the suppressed gender dysphoria from when I was young. I started presenting feminine again and was happier straight away. This time I was professionally diagnosed as transgender and transitioned as soon as they would let me. So in my case it did not fade with time, and I know it was the right decision for me.

        I do however share your concern for inappropriate trans treatments for very different and IMO highly questionable trans diagnoses, but what can we do about it?


    • The general public and lawmakers do not understand the difference between you and these trans-trenders and fetish cross dressers. You want to be offended, be offended about that, and DO something about it.

      Liked by 7 people

    • Angelica, I worry much more that the (mostly young and impulsive) trans-trenders are going to suffer long-term consequences for the wrong kind of treatment because it was deemed necessary to make getting treatment for those with true gender dysphoria fast and easy. No more necessary mental health gatekeepers to try to tell the difference between the trenders and the true. Self diagnosis rules the day. And treatment is easy to get now!

      Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and sign right here for your hormone prescriptions, yep, sign right here ladies and gentlemen, get your transgender treatment just as soon as it crosses your mind to be part of the cool transgender group, we don’t want you committing suicide or something, step right up, we know you’re hurting and need help right away.

      Liked by 4 people

      • The fear of “not passing” is caused by the vilification directed at people who transition when we are mature adults. This is what panics many young people into taking hormones and puberty blockers before they understand their nascent gender awareness. I get a lot of hostility from the self appointed trans lobby for not supporting them.


      • So if you actually care about youth, you should expand your energy on supporting “gender nonconforming” youth in not passing. And not demanding that everyone see them as the opposite sex.. Then fewer of them would demand medical transition.

        Liked by 1 person

      • That’s a very good point, and it’s why I don’t think GNC should be shoved under the “transgender umbrella”, where “help” from well meaning but misguided trans people is doing more harm than good.


      • Yeah, what’s weird about that is someone can be suffering from depression, suicidal, in crisis, beg for help (or have family do so on their behalf)…and not get it, despite that the risk is even more clearly immediately present. It’s worryingly common. It does make it feel as though there’s more behind it, because why the difference in response? Surely hormones, transition, must be similarly expensive to providing crisis mental health treatment?

        Also it’s probably a lost cause at this point and language use does change over time, but they really could have just accepted that ***** is a slur that not everyone had the right to reclaim – they’ve been asked enough times. How insulting for some gay men to see a word that’s been used against them, sometimes as the lead-in to actual physical violence, associated with sparkly unicorns and fun. It doesn’t seem like they’re interested in being a respectful part of the LGBTA+. Meanwhile the second you use a term in a way they’re not happy about, including forgetting to use ‘they’ pronouns for a clearly female person, you just know you’ll be in for it and smeared as a literally violent bigot.

        Did you see the recent, rather odd case in the UK about a child being eventually removed from his mother who’d been ‘raising him as a girl?’ Hard to know what to make of it, the judge in the case seemed also to hold sexist views.)


      • Angelica has been posting on GenderTrender for years. He’s a textbook autogynephile who loathes real women.


      • I think a competent psychologist can tell the difference between a sexually motivated cross dresser and someone with feminine gender identity. Competent assessment protects the patient from making a disastrous decision, and it also protects society from potential sexual predators. I think it’s essential that transgender remains a diagnosed condition rather than a self identification.

        note: AFAIK personal attacks against me on Gendertrender originate from a woman seeking revenge, because I explained that I am not attracted to women, and that I did not want a relationship with her.


      • The question was ‘How do you suggest WE tell the difference’. IF you were right that somebody can be born in the wrong body & thus that there could be a female soul in a male body, & if such a man were to come into the women’s restrm, we’d merely have to instantly stop using the restrm until a competent psychologist came in to do an examination! But on the 1 hand, there are a tiny fraction of the population, who have a MENTAL DISORDER, who EXTREMELY recently in history have emerged—what did they do before synthetic hormones were invented & surgery was developed to produce ersatz genitals?
        They all committed suicide? Where are the evidence of a decreasing rate of suicide & evidence of it being the result of these damaging ‘treatments’? On the other hand we have genetics, physiology, the senses & intuition of the sane, & objective reality. Who are we going to believe, the insane or our own eyes?


    • “Angelica” (real name Chris Scaife) is a deadbeat father who hates women (particularly his ex-wife). He spends his time at home filming himself wearing provocative clothes, including pantyhose.


      • That is false. My son’s bio mum sent him to live with me once she realized she could get no more money from me. She abused my child to take half of all I owned without even disclosing what she owns. You are a sick and hateful coward whoever you are.


  6. So, if gender is all about the feelings, what if a child feels he or she is actually the gender of, say, a Martian? What if the child persists in that belief all the way into the teenage years, and even adulthood? Heck, that’s totally not out of the question, with the way gender is being taught in schools and especially in light of this video. What would the transitioning protocol be? Would the child have surgery to implant antennae in his head? Would he receive hormone treatment, or would they intentionally stunt his growth so the child could be a little green martian? I mean, quacks are giving very high hormone dosage to patients (read: lab rats) for years with the very high probability that something *will* get permanently messed up. Why would surgically-implanted silicone appendages be any different?

    The rabbit hole is, indeed, bottomless.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I’m sorry that I keep posting on this but my primary objection finally crystallized.

    Here is the biggest problem I have with these videos. They are teaching children that they can’t and shouldn’t believe what they see. This is a huge problem.

    Giving a very young and vulnerable person the message “things are not as they seem” is actually a really scary thing to do. Why should a child think that this is limited in any way to the distinction between male and female? If a child looks at her dog, who’s to say it isn’t really a tiger, or Captain America? Much more to the point, sometimes young children are afraid that their parents aren’t (in some way) who they say they are. That perhaps they are actually monsters, or at least different people, strangers. What these videos are teaching them is that they might be right. If anybody can be anything, no matter what they look like or how well you think you know them, then life is built on shifting sand indeed.

    Trying to impose this post-modern “everything is relative, everybody is who they say they are, ignore your lying eyes” stuff onto really literal, fearful little people is actually kind of a horrible thing to do. It certainly makes me realize that the folks promoting this have very little concern for these actual children’s actual well-being.

    Liked by 10 people

    • Yes. Very well said. I am waiting for the real developmental psychologists to show up and start blowing the whistle on some of the stuff. It’s way past time. The media is AWOL. It’s as if all the many decades of knowledge about how young children think, behave, and develop has been thrown in the garbage. It takes an awful lot of money to accomplish what these activists have in only a few short years. They’ve managed to make Orwell’s vision a reality. 2+2=5. Big Brother Gender has so decreed.

      Liked by 8 people

    • That’s totally okay. Someone will read it and at least think about what you said. Maybe they’ll have an epiphany. Our criticisms and concerns cannot be said or written enough, especially when we’re the minority. If we can get a few more of the “right” people to wake up, hopefully the mainstream media will finally pick it up and expose the problems.

      ” “things are not as they seem” is actually a really scary thing to do…That perhaps they are actually monsters”

      Can you imagine the damage children who are prone to delusions and paranoia? Will we be seeing even more social isolation, drug addictions, suicides, or defendants deemed too insane to stand trial because they were taught throughout their lives that ‘reality is relative’ and ‘don’t trust anything’? Just how much has to happen before people are seeing what’s really going on, especially in schools that teach this? *shudders*

      Liked by 2 people

    • Here’s a classic song from the late, great Fred Rogers that teaches kids about self-acceptance:

      On Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, he also spent a lot of time emphasizing the difference between what’s real vs. what’s “make believe.” Preschoolers have difficulty with this concept, and he addressed it in his usual caring, respectful manner.

      Unfortunately, Fred Rogers is no longer with us. But old episodes of his program are available online. I often think of him when I hear about small children being transitioned. I can’t imagine he would be OK with it. More likely, he would reach out to these sad little kids, talk to them about their feelings, yet he would also help them separate their fantasies from reality and let them know they are all right exactly the way they are.

      Liked by 8 people

    • I recently pointed out to my daughter, another child caught up in this crazy trans trend, that she is anatomically female and will always be seen that way by others. She is intelligent and prides herself on being rational. I asked her how she would react if I started requiring her to call me by male pronouns and a gender neutral name like Sam…I think it got her thinking…

      Liked by 2 people

      • When I raise this point to my 18 year old dau she just freaks, cannot listen to the plain fact that no treatment can actually transform her hated female body into the body of a man. This is same kid who insists she does not care if binding is unhealthy …. and who flat-out refuses to see a therapist but just wants a one-stop gender clinic quickie Rx program. It’s just “give me what I want NOW and for God’s sake don’t make me consider the history of my pain.” You know?

        That’s the opposite of an attitude that could give “informed consent.” That’s magical thinking. That’s one big reason why she and I and spouse are now embroiled in conflict over her desire to transition NOW. Normally this kid is fairly rational/critical but in this area, all that goes out the window. The idea that you might benefit from some therapy if you’re in that level of emotional pain is abhorrent to her. She’s already decided (based on the internet) that she simply has a physiological syndrome for which there is only one “fix” and that this is what she will do as soon as she gets the cash. All that pain’s still going to be there, but she’d prefer to plaster it over and hope it goes away.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Reply to Puzzled:

        I feel for both of you.

        I have gathered from earlier comments that you have made that your daughter is adopted, and that before she came to you she experienced a traumatic early childhood.

        I was a battered child, though it wasn’t until I reached my early thirties that I was able to acknowledge the severity of the violence that was inflicted throughout childhood on myself and my brothers. It wasn’t until I was 40 that I was able to connect fully with the pain, grief and fear that was locked in my body. And I did not make a decision to do this: it was ‘triggered’, to use the current jargon, by a chance meeting with someone I had known as a child. That ‘triggering’ was one of the best things that has ever happened to me; I gained access to whole areas of feeling that until then had been locked away with the grief and fear. At the same time it was also a terrifying and totally demanding experience.

        I have never seen a therapist. That requires a degree of trust of which I am probably incapable. I have had good support from my partner and a few close friends. But when it comes down to it, one goes through that kind of experience alone, using whatever insights one has acquired along the way.

        You know your daughter, and I do not; but it sounds to me likely that she is keeping a lid on a lot of overwhelming stuff that she simply is unable to process. It may take her quite a while till she reaches the point where she is able to do that, or till it becomes so demanding that she cannot any longer suppress it.


        At about the age of six, maybe a bit earlier, I decided that I ‘should have been’ or ‘really was’ a boy. This feeling did not completely dispel until after I left home for university.

        It was reading the blog by ThirdWayTrans, and particularly his posts on trauma, that finally gave me some clues as to what that was about. At some point as a small child I developed a fixed determination to resist. I became implacably defiant. I fought back, over and over again, hopeless battles, but I was well past caring about that.

        But this was Britain in the fifties. Fighting was for boys. Girls were weak, girls were expected to submit. I would not submit. Therefore I could not, must not, be a girl.

        I don’t know why your daughter thinks that ‘becoming a man’ will alleviate her pain. And yes, on one level it is ‘magical thinking’. But I suggest that on another level it is symbolic thinking. ‘Becoming a man’ symbolises something for her, something she feels she needs in order to cope.


      • Artemisia, thanks for sharing your perspective. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through and glad you’ve reached a state of greater peace.

        I agree that my kid’s male identification is an adaptive behavior. From toddlerhood, she’s been interested in power, control, strength and autonomy. These are totally understandable emphases given her past. Over time, she has grown to see these as “male” qualities though, unlike you, she did not seem to have a mental ID as male until she was in high school and got a big dose of trans-oriented social media. Conversely, she has also grown to see females as weak, vulnerable, and ineffective. (I have some ideas about why she thinks like this, but sharing them would expose more of her story than I’m going to do here.)

        I agree that you can’t make someone be ready to deal with their trauma until they are ready. My issue as a parent is, and always has been, to support this kid through many difficult stages as she grows. The problem now is giving her space for her adaptive choices (clearly necessary to her right now) without actively funding/supporting a permanent step that I’m not convinced is going to remedy what ails her, in the long run. We have never attempted to make her express femaleness in any way, but supporting those presentation choices isn’t the same as affirming (and paying for) a course of action that we think is likely to be physically and psychologically harmful long-term.

        In the end, of course, that won’t be my decision. She’s of-age in the US from a medical standpoint and as soon as she amasses cash to do what she wants, she will …. do what she wants. She’s on her own journey and soon enough, she’ll be fully autonomous. Hopefully she’ll still have room for us in her life but … that, too, will in the end be her decision.


  8. More than the gender aspect, I’m skeptical that it’s appropriate to be teaching preschoolers about sexuality. I watched a couple of the other videos, and I really dislike that they appear to idealize “queer” relationships(not comfortable with that word, it was a slur when I grew up). Yes, it’s ok to be gay, and it’s ok not to be gay, and it would be more a meaningful message if the video producer didn’t feel the need to stress how normal and great being gay was. I would totally be supportive of a kid’s program that had a gay couple as the parents of some child on the program, if it was treated as unremarkable as anyone else’s parents. These videos, they’re disturbing for making so much of topics that are supposedly ‘simple.’ Kids need role models, not lectures on how they should think.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. This is getting more and more ridiculous! How did we as a society get to a place where this kind of brainwashing for toddlers is now considered not only acceptable, but celebratory? This also strikes me yet again as a trend that’s the almost exclusive domain of the upper-classes and bourgeoisie, since poor and working-class folks are too busy trying to make ends meet and other more practical, realistic life concerns than worrying about which freaking pronouns or gender identity they have! And again, this was not happening even five years ago! Somehow all these newly-declared “genderqueer,” “genderfluid,” and “agender” people were doing just fine before they were told about those made-up options. For example, I know one “genderqueer” woman who now uses “they” pronouns and totally flips out about the least little suspected “transphobia,” like a friend recently sharing an article about how children shouldn’t be transed and saying correctly that this is a phase for almost all of them.

    I was recently at a dinner where someone (who uses “they” pronouns) suggested we go around and say what our pronouns are. I didn’t have the nerve to say how ridiculous I found it, nor to ask if anyone thought I looked like a man. At least I’m an adult, not a highly-suggestible toddler who can’t distinguish fantasy from reality. It’s a blessing in disguise that I’ve been childfree much longer than I ever thought I’d be!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I also really, really hate how “queer” has become a meaningless, catch-all umbrella term for anyone who’s not 100% straight and adhering to a rigid checklist of sexist stereotypes. I could understand some people in the LGB community reclaiming it as a positive term of endearment, but not having that term become almost mandatory and a replacement for the old, established terms “gay” and “lesbian”! That word used to be a slur against gays and lesbians, not a word they willingly, happily used to describe themselves. It reminds me of African–Americans who use the N-word as a positive term of endearment, with an A instead of “er” on the ending. Don’t they realize the long history of that word being used as an ugly, cruel, vicious slur against their people, including during many violent attacks and murders?


    • That word used to be a slur against gays and lesbians, not a word they willingly, happily used to describe themselves.

      Actually, this is a complete fallacy, though very commonly held.

      ‘Queer’ has its origins in homosexual slang. See for instance Mary Renault’s novel The Charioteer (1953), in which men who belong to the homosexual subculture use it to refer to each other and their shared culture. Knowledge of its subcultural meaning is a mark of belonging to the group, and at one point a homosexual character drops it into a conversation with a man to whom he is attracted, as a test to see how the other man reacts. ‘Queer’ was in use in such contexts from at least the early 1920s. E.F. Benson uses it in his novel Miss Mapp (1922) in a reference to a female character, an artist, who ‘lived in a very queer way’ with her maid. Knowledgeable readers would have snickered at this point, while it would have passed over most people’s heads.

      ‘Queer’ was how I referred to myself when I first began my coming out process, as a teenager in the late sixties. I was much more comfortable with it than ‘lesbian’, which was then very heavily stigmatised. But before long, when the Gay Liberation Movement arrived, ‘queer’ was disparaged in favour of ‘gay’.

      When ‘queer’ began to be revived again towards the end of the eighties, this was expressly an act of defiance (‘We’re here! we’re queer! Get used to it’), but its use was rooted in a shared awareness that it was part of the traditional homosexual argot. (It also took place in the context of some complex social, cultural and political currents which I shall not try to summarise here.)

      Certainly ‘queer’ has often been used as a slur. But all terms used by homosexual people to describe themselves come to be used as slurs eventually. Replacing queer with gay was supposed to help dispel the negative public image of homosexual people; it was expressly a political move. But
      as is now well known, eventually ‘gay’ was adopted by schoolchildren as a slang term meaning ‘rubbish, bad’.

      After ‘queer’ came back into use, I used to cheerfully refer to myself as ‘queer’ now and then. But I have stopped doing that, because the word is now so often used as self-description by people who to all intents and purposes are heterosexual. They apparently think that it makes them seem ‘edgy’ and cool.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I’m straight so I was never up on all the slang but I was under the impression that “queer” was a term for gay men and not necessarily lesbians. I’m in my mid-40s so that’s the impression I have from its use when I was in college in the early 90s. I was surprised recently to hear a gay man talk about the “queer and trans” community because it sounded to me like lesbians weren’t included. So is the term “gay” out of favor now?


      • In the UK during my lifetime, “queer” has mostly been a word used by older people who found saying “gay”, “lesbian” or “homosexual” somehow rude or distasteful. It wasn’t a slur exactly, but it wasn’t a very positive term.


  11. This is evidence that that straight liberals, and I was a straight male liberal until Jazz and Jenner, never really supported gays and lesbians. I seem to have figured it out, but most of my cohorts haven’t.

    Can you imagine if someone had introduced a program to “identify” potential gay and lesbian children at a very young age and direct them toward being gay or lesbian? There would be an outrage among conservatives and liberals. Children are deemed too young to be aware of their future sexual orientation. This is a good position. Liberals used to think it was a good idea to introduce the idea of same sex relationships pretty early, to ease self-acceptance among children who felt they were gay or lesbian later on. Makes sense to me.

    But somehow trans is different. It must be identified as young as possible. They will get a good chunk of kids who would become gay or lesbian, a chunk of disposable kids who would be straight, and a few misfits. All will be made to conform by needles, pills, and scalpels. Homosexuality will almost vanish by the magic of medicine and social illusion. We can get on with out lives.

    Transing children could become as big a threat to gays and especially lesbians as AIDS was to gay men in the 80’s.

    The next generation of your people are facing losses greater than what AIDS took from you. Sound the alarm. I will fight by your side.

    Liked by 4 people

    • I think there is a lack of sympathy, with strong enmity and tension, between many non gay and lesbian liberals, and, many gay men and lesbians, but that this works equally both ways. In my experience, many gay men and, especially, lesbians, don’t have liberal attitudes, have a stong dislike of people with liberal attitudes, and, don’t want to be friends to or friendly with liberal non gay/non lesbian people. This has been the case for decades. As a middle aged pomosexual, polyamorous woman who’s dated other women romantically from youth, I’ve met many lesbians, and, although a lot have been tolerant and friendly to a someone like me – who leads a very unconventional lifestyle in numerous ways – I’ve found very many lesbians also exist who apparently believe that the only two things which people can do which go against mainstream conventions, without that inevitably meaning that they’re dishonourable or despicable people, are expressing same-sex love, and being gender defiant. I’ve met very many lesbians who have extremely conservative attitudes to sex, who have bluntly told me that women who enjoy many sexual partners, women who willingly participate in sex work, polyamorous women, bisexual women, pansexual women, and, pomosexual women, are dishonourable and unacceptable as friends to them. Many lesbians, also have prescriptive attitudes about how good and acceptable women dress, specifically that women shouldn’t wear make up, fancy fashions, fancy hairstyles, or high heels, or, shave their body hair, and this even as regards women who enjoy looking conventionally feminine only for themselves, and/or their female friends or female lover(s). Women who aren’t practical and logical, but, are arty and intuitive, I’ve found are another popular character assassination and dislike group for many lesbians.

      I’ve heard, that many lesbians want lesbian only spaces, social spaces free of women who are bisexual, pansexual, or pomosexual, and I think this is an excellent idea, because it’s honest. Providing those groups were specific about how they defined lesbian, so that people could know if that applied to them or not, those women who aren’t wanted by these groups, and people trying to guide them into good social situations, would be informed of that fact beforehand so that they needn’t make the effort to attend them. I think it would be a win win situation, because, not only would those lesbians not have to mingle with these women whom they so much dislike, but, bisexual etc women wouldn’t have to suffer the pain of a lot of rejections, and, for those struggling with persecution for their same sex attractions, the dangers to safety and maybe life, of trying to secretly date other women. Bisexual, pansexual, and pomosexual women, suffering from hostility to same sex love from their relatives and social circles, would no longer feel sometimes that they had to gear themselves up to travel alone, perhaps through dangerous neighbourhoods, and maybe being stalked by dangerous controlling male relatives, to social groups or bars for mixed-sexuality women, in an attempt to find social support, only once they arrived there to get verbally attacked by cold mannered women who harass them for personal information about their love lives in order to condemn them, tell them they don’t belong there, and that they are despicable – and then have to leave the groups or bars not knowing where else is safe to look for support, and feeling totally alone. I’ve been through this, and I found it beyond shattering, and I know others who have experienced it too. If there were lesbian only groups, plus other groups for bisexual, pomosexual, pansexual women and their allies, the/us latter women would know where to go socially in order to not experience a very high risk of being condemned for their/our sexual and/or romantic natures.

      I’m not sure I believe most parents who are transing young children are doing so in order to stop them from becoming gay or lesbian. I think, in the case of girls, it’s so commonplace for heterosexual and non lesbian women to have been gender defiant pre puberty, that I don’t think most parents look upon a gender defiant pre teen girl as likely to grow up to be a lesbian. They’re more likely to regard her as being just like Mum was. As regards conservative parents, there’s also little media representation of lesbians who are gender defiant, so, if people have never known lesbians personally, the image they have of lesbians is quite likely that of lipstick lesbian couples, of hyper femmes, I should think. As regards liberal people, however, I think being bisexual or pansexual or pomosexual is so very commonplace, that probably a lot of liberal mothers who have those sexualities have had conflict with non liberal lesbians in the past over their, the mothers, different needs as regards same sex love, and, I do believe that maybe a lot of those mothers would trans a gender defiant young girl because they can’t bear the thought of their child becoming one of those people who hates them and despises them. I think that transing is very cruel, but I can empathise that the fear that your own child has a high chance of growing up to hate you, could seem unendurable, for some vulnerable and fragile people.


      • (I think that transing is very cruel, but I can empathise that the fear that your own child has a high chance of growing up to hate you)
        That’s a pretty messed up thing to say. Lesbians don’t simply hate liberals or ‘liberal’ ideals. There are reasons for their strong political views that you don’t know, or choose not to know.
        You can’t fault lesbians who’ve hurt your feelings, because they were rightfully annoyed by how women like you expect to be welcomed into their spaces and even force themselves in. Bisexual, pansexual, or in your case, pomosexual, women have harmed lesbians, too, heartbreak and all; it’s why most feel hostile to you. That, and because your politics, or lack thereof, clash with theirs.
        Both your sexualties and views are different, and you aren’t their kind. So you can’t act as if you’re a victim and that lesbians have just been totally cruel to you.
        Lesbians have every right to reject you, and you’re right, you have every responsibility to yourself and women like you to create your own spaces and support groups instead of expecting lesbians to spend their energy on women who are completely different from them/harm them. Lesbians have their own politics, it’s not an attack on you; they’re just different from you.
        So sympathizing for a fearful liberal mother of a gender nonconforming could-be-lesbian daughter who wishes to trans said daughter, just because you think you’re a victim of lesbian ‘hatred’ and think she will be too, is incredibly rude and narcissistic of you. Please get over yourself…

        …Why was demonizing lesbians, in a topic about a trans-promoting bear, even necessary…?

        Liked by 1 person

      • No, actually I have never ever been into a lesbian space in my entire life. If you re-read, you will see I said I had been into mixed sexuality women’s spaces. As I wrote, I have never had any desire whatsoever to go into any space where I’m not wanted – most dramatically the contrary. As regards my going to these places looking for social support, I did so upon advice from a gay, lesbian and bisexual phone help line that I should go to a lesbian and bisexual women’s support group, and later tried a social group and club – none of which were advertised as lesbian only groups. They were all mixed spaces by official description, but obviously non lesbians weren’t wanted there. Why they were advertised as mixed sexuality spaces I really don’t know, as it wasn’t the reality, and wasn’t fair upon anyone.

        I said what I said because think it’s relevant to transing children phenomena that there’s a conflict between liberals and gay men and lesbians. I don’t know the answer, but there probably are ones and more talk about the different values and politics and etiquette would be a good start. People don’t know them. Not everyone goes to uni or college. There are a lot of unsophisticated people in the world, of all political outlooks, they’re not bad people, they’ve just had a different life path to others who are streetwise and/or well educated.


      • I’m sorry! I thought you were picking on lesbians originally, I reread your comment and saw this wasn’t the case. I apologize!
        I’ve been on edge lately. Thanks for vouching for lesbian space ^^

        A conflict between liberals and lesbians and gay men may be an issue. Unfortunately, after reading Sheila Jefferey’s The Lesbian Heresy, I do think there is a conflict centered around liberalism invading lesbian values. So both she and you I think are correct. Sheila also talks about queer politics, which also has to do with invading liberalism, I think. So you’re right, it’s most likely why lesbians, like me, (as I just showed you from my reaction) are stingy about this. But there are ‘liberal lesbians’ who give weight to the issue too, as The Lesbian Heresy points out. This transing the youth situation is a deliberate attack on these children specifically for their gender nonformity or a chance of them growing up to be gay or lesbian, an attack I believe comes from conservatives or the translobby, but I digress.
        I’m also not college educated so I’m not specifically informed either.
        Sorry again for the reactionary comment.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I haven’t been on WordPress for many months due to my bad health.

        I think if a non-lesbian same-sex-attracted woman comes down to a mixed lesbian and non lesbian social group or bar, looking for social support with coming out, and maybe a date also – and, lesbians don’t want her there because she’s not a lesbian – a really useful way to deal with that, both from the lesbians points of views and the non lesbian woman’s point of view, can be to introduce her to another bisexual or non lesbian woman at that group or bar, or give out some information about a bisexual woman’s social group or bisexual women’s coming out group. The bisexual or other label, (homo-romantic or bi-romantic asexual, pansexual, or whatever), woman would probably be grateful and happy, and then will probably not be trying to spend time with lesbians. For I know when I and my non lesbian friends were trying to find social support and dates in coming out, we weren’t specifically looking to make friends with or to date lesbians; we simply wanted new supportive, non homophobic female friends and girlfriends. And, as I remember it, (I’m middle-aged now), the non lesbian women often had far more in common with each other as regards interests and attraction – for example, we were often interested in fancy dresses and fancy hairstyles, make-up, shoes and fashion, whereas the lesbians usually tended not to be, and if they were, wanted to befriend and date women who weren’t. I don’t think that any non lesbian woman who goes down to a bar or a club or a group looking for friends to give her social support with coming out, or/and finding that special female someone, wants to be hostiley interrogated and hated for being there. On the contrary, that’s like her very worst nightmare outcome. They’re looking for friends, while feeling shy and scared and probably low in confidence, (I was). A bit of a pointer into finding other non lesbian same-sex-attracted women would be satisfying as having that bit more in common with us.

        Introducing a bisexual or similar woman to others or a similar group could stop her going back time and time again to the same mixed orientations bar or group hoping that this time, she’ll meet someone who doesn’t hate her or perhaps, also loves dressing up in popular girlie fashions. That’s what happened to me for months, before I despaired and gave up. All the time, not realising it’s something most of the women in the bar feel, because (or if – which I’m talking about here), non lesbians aren’t welcome there.

        I am so much for totally lesbian spaces, and totally bisexual or totally whatever spaces. I’m past the age of dating and socialising now – I’m settled comfortably – but I think people of different orientations often find it extremely difficult to understand each other and get on, and since I know that lesbians have so much found it hard to understand me in the past, and vice versa, supposing I did want a new relationship, I would definitely look for one from a non lesbian woman who would I think be so much more likely to understand me and be on my wavelength and so not get both of us into a lot of emotional turmoil and stuff.


      • Well, that’s interesting, thank you for sharing all of that! Just so you know, in regards to my previous comments, I approached you from hostile mindset and wasn’t in the best political stance.

        But now I understand you. I will say that It’s good to understand that some lesbians, lesbian feminists, radical feminists (whether lesbian or asexual) don’t appreciate femininity (girliness) because to them it represents female subjugation or something harmful to them as women. And so they don’t openly support it with loving arms.

        But I’m radical/lesbian feminist (and woman who loves and cares for women), and I don’t hate women who are feminine, I even look a little feminine myself.
        I do know there are some lesbians who hold radical lesbian beliefs and can be misogynistic towards feminine women, and I don’t think this is okay at all.
        But I do have a bisexual female friend I love very much and she’s not as feminine, so I don’t want to generalize. But if you believe bisexual women need a space of their own, I hope that gets done. Though I as a lesbian wouldn’t respond with hate to feminine women/lesbians/bisexuals. I’m sorry your relations with other lesbians have been unpleasant.

        I’m a young lesbian and would like to have relations with another woman. But I love and care about women, whether they are lesbian or not. And making friends with women and boning with other women is very important to me. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  12. I just spent a week with my niece and nephew and it was the most time I’ve spent around young children in many years. It was really amazing to me what concepts I have the ability to understand as an adult and take for granted. I don’t think my 2 year old niece really understood Clifford the Big Red Dog. When I asked her questions during our reading, it didn’t seem like she had the ability to envision a dog bigger than a house. It is too abstract for her. She also kept calling me her friend, even though her mom would correct her and call me family. I don’t even think my 5 year old nephew really understands that I’m his daddy’s sister, even though he could explain to me what an oil refinery does. Family relationships rely on a lot of abstract lines compared to the mechanical processes he is interested in. Looking back, I remember being about 8 when I finally understood that my aunts and uncles were my parents siblings, and being really fascinated and shocked by it.

    To bring this back to the topic, I don’t think that a child has the ability to understand gender removed from physical reality. Young children can categorize based on gender stereotypes, and they may have an understanding their own biology. They probably can’t understand the connection between the two. Videos like this will probably just go in one ear and out the other.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree with your assessment of very young children’s understanding of the world, but yet I don’t think it is a good idea to possibly further confuse children by introducing the abstract concept of gender. I think young kids may indeed soak up portions of the message, but not understand it fully, and not be able to separate harmful stereotypes from actual sex characteristics. For example, a young child might think that anyone with long hair is a girl, which of course is incorrect.

      I wouldn’t want to risk exposing the ridiculous teddy bear video to any kids. I don’t think it would go completely in one ear and out the other. I think some ideas would stick, and the information might be harmful to kids either because the children are too young to understand the information, or they do understand but the concepts taught in the video reinforce harmful gender stereotypes. The genderqueer nonsense is just that: nonsense. There is absolutely no science behind it. Kids would be better served watching “Free To Be, You and Me.”


      • Oh yeah, I do agree with you. What I meant was I don’t think the creator here is presenting the information in a developmentally friendly way. I can understand what she means even if I disagree with her, but what a child would take from it is not what she intends. Purple Sage Fem did a post speculating on some of the ways young children might misinterpret the messages she is trying to send.

        I send this lady a tumblr ask about her experiences working with children and if she had any background in developmental psychology. I wonder if she’ll answer.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. I don’t know that I’m really allowed to comment here, as a trans adult with no children. If that’s the case then by all means please delete this or ignore me. I’ve spent the last few hours reading different articles and all of y’all’s comments, and something just kinda broke in me.

    I never had any exposure to the LGBT community at large – certainly never through a children’s program – until my mid-to-late-twenties (There were a grand total of three out gay guys and two girls in my high school, a few more schoolmates I’ve kept in touch with that came out after, and only three people I knew while in the Army that were ‘openly’ homosexual) that were close to me, and a general ‘do whatever makes you happy so long as it’s not physically hurting other people’ life philosophy.

    When I was considering transition, it was an incredibly difficult decision. I don’t know that all of my education, training, and exposure to difficult stressful situations prepared me at all for it. I wasn’t exposed to any trans stuff growing up; I remember that a lot of times things just felt ‘off.’ I don’t know that transitioning would have solved that, and I think that … for me, personally, it would have been even worse. This was back in the late 90’s, though, before all of the publicity about trans stuff and the internet.

    I think that my personal views of the trans community probably aren’t really welcome or endorsed by other trans people, but I also think that the sharing of personal experiences, ideas, and experiences is just as important to understanding complicated issues and problems. I started transition at 28, and … Had nowhere to really turn to understand exactly what it meant to ‘be’ trans in a way that made sense to me.

    I read and saw all sorts of different descriptions and reasonings and other things; At this point, I was a sponge, soaking up anything I could about this new aspect of myself that I hadn’t considered. Some of it, I think, was very damaging; It didn’t even occur to me that my parents referring to me by my birth gender should bother me until I read about what an injustice it was and how I should be hurt by this supposed slight. That one example is relevant here; There’s others that I won’t get into (The 41% suicide statistic coming to mind).

    There’s a certain pressure, too, that I feel at times – “Well if I say that I’m mostly cool with myself about this and this and this and that goes against ____________ that Trans, Inc, is saying, and if I’m not agreeing with them, then I need to figure out why I don’t agree with them, because they’re obviously right.”

    I’m not the smartest person, and I readily admit that, and I’m entirely prone to logical failures, but I do feel like I’m intelligent and creative and generally grounded in reality. I think that Introducing children to such high-level concepts at such an early age is a bit like how it would have been for Barney to try to teach me calculus. However awesome it would have been to learn calculus in Kindergarten, I didn’t /need/ to know calculus.

    For me, personally, I don’t like educating people on trans stuff. I don’t like answering questions about it, the community, bathroom bills (I really don’t care where I go, so long as I can go -somewhere-), or anything else related to ‘being trans.’ I like talking to children about trans stuff way less. Most of the time it comes down to ‘Different people have different bodies.’

    I also feel like the problem is one of language, on some levels – The trans cabal don’t like being referred to as ‘trans men’ or ‘trans women,’ because it’s ‘othering.’ And that argument always strikes me as absolutely ridiculous – I am quite very obviously different from the vast majority of everyone else. The issue, I think, is that … with the differences of bodies, and human pattern recognition being the super awesome thing that it is, there’s no real way to be like ‘The shape of this body part plus the shape of this body part and this general hairstyle equals transgender.’ (To be incredibly reductive) We have a certain subconscious expectation, I think, that A+B=C, and when there’s an X or a Y thrown in it tends to screw with our thousands-year-old cataloguing system.

    When I left the Army, it was a massive shock to my self-identity; For the five years prior, I’d had that label and I was very proud of it (I still am). I think a similar sort of shock happens with a lot of other trans people and they’re very desperately trying to find a label for themselves. I went through the same sort of thing again, only instead of mourning and grieving for something lost, it was more aimed at what I never had and what I missed out on, coupled with misplaced anger at other people that were supportive of me but didn’t know how to show it in a way that I could process. I still struggle with it infrequently on bad days.

    The various identities and labels we have are how we relate ourselves to other people, and how other people relate to us. Most of that is communicated non-verballyMisgendering and wrong pronouns bothered me for a while (Because that’s what the trans community taught me my reaction should be), but in the last year or so, I’ve been discovering more and more that what bothers me is /intentional/ misgendering.

    My parents are getting into their sixties now. I don’t expect my dad (Who’s zoned out on painkillers for scoliosis 90% of the time I visit them) to be perfect. The cool Indian guy that I’m friends with at the 7-11 doesn’t need to know how I identify; His entire purpose is to sell me gas, cigarettes, and cans of Monster. He can call me whatever he’d like, because my ability to buy gas, cigarettes, and cans of Monster isn’t impaired by him calling me Ma’am or Sir. My endocrinologist /does/ need to know, and has been super cool about everything and incredibly, incredibly supportive (I go to the local Veteran’s Affairs hospital, and none of the staff there have really had any exposure other than 2-3 other patients).

    This got really, really long and rambly and I’m terribly sorry. What I wanted to say was this –

    Thank you all for being super, super awesome parents. It’s clear you all love your children and are invested in their successes. I think that if you’re sincere, they’ll realize you’re speaking from a place of love – It might not be right now. On a personal level, I don’t think that I fully realized just how much my parents have struggled with my decision, or how supportive they’ve been, until I read your stories and experiences. I can’t fathom how hard it would have been for them when I was in my teens. Thank you again for sharing your experiences, thoughts, and feelings with me, I appreciate it, and it’s my hope that all of y’all’s families find happiness and fulfillment, no matter what choices are made.


    Liked by 1 person

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