Hey, all you cruel, hateful, bullying, toxic parents lurking out there–I’m talking to you

The investigative blog, transgenderreality, posted an excellent piece this morning entitled “Just tell her to shut the fuck up,” documenting the cult-like behavior online that is pressuring kids to abandon their parents and family for their Internet “friends” who know better.

See, this is why I’m doing this blog: I’m not going to shut the fuck up, and I want other parents like me to know they’re not alone. I’m not abandoning my critical thinking, nor my basic sense of protection for my child, just because the Tumblr and subReddit gender police tell parents like me we’re “abusers” simply for raising concerns and having conversations with our kids! Since when did parenting become nothing but a great big rubber stamp on everything a kid wants?

Some excerpts below from this important post from the always-enlightening transgenderreality. It shows imperfect (of course!) but concerned parents trying to engage with their kids about monumental life decisions.


The first time I ever tried to openly and honestly talk to my mother about dysphoria, she told me: All women feel that way. No woman ever wants to be a woman. But we are, and we can’t escape it

And that messed me up way more than any insult ever could because it made me truly and genuinely question if I was doing this for the right reasons or if she was right and transition was just an escape.

I still don’t have an answer.

I cope by reminding myself that my mother is a poisonous influence on my life,  and that any doubt or fear I feel about transition after talking to her are as natural as feeling nauseated after drinking spoiled milk.”


“A young FtM who wants to have her breasts removed posts screenshots of text messages from her mother. The mother is asking her to reconsider such drastic changes to her body. These text messages are labeled “cruel”, “hateful”, “bullying”, and “toxic”.

“the poster’s father is concerned about his son’s motivation for starting hormone therapy. A commenter jumps right in, advising him to bring up suicide as a bargaining chip for unquestioning acceptance. Note that the poster’s father was not cutting him off, not throwing him out, he was even driving him to his doctor’s appointments!”


Read the whole thing. It’s full of screenshots from Tumblr and Reddit exposing just what’s happening to questioning youth on the Internet.  The tip of a huge iceberg is starting to emerge.

I’m just beginning to hear from a few parents. They are agonizing. They are trying be supportive with their kids, but they have doubts. They are excoriated just for having doubts, even when they are enabling aspects of “transition.”

So far, most of my followers on Tumblr are young women. Few of them have kids of their own, and they may even be having struggles with their own parents (who doesn’t?)–but they get this. On WordPress, I have more adult followers. But as we all know, most of the Internet is made up of lurkers: lots of readers, few writers/posters.

So I’m shouting out to all you lurkers: Look at this information. Spread it as far and widely as you can.

2 thoughts on “Hey, all you cruel, hateful, bullying, toxic parents lurking out there–I’m talking to you

  1. See, this is why the whole thing is definitely a cult that preys on young people. None of these parents are doing anything abusive and that are not insulting their children in anyway. It is perfectly reasonable for parents to be concerned when their child wants to take off-label hormones and get cosmetic surgery to solve what is essentially society’s problem. (Or in a lot of cases, this kids have underlying issues like depression and anxiety disorders.) The internet is full of people who do not have your best interest at heart, especially for teenagers. They may not be predators in the traditional sense of stalking them and breaking into their house, but they are still predators. This behavior remind me of pro-anorexia communities.

    That’s another good point that parenting doesn’t mean giving your child everything they want, no questions asked. At this point, I think it’s a very good idea for parents to monitor and restrict internet usage. My parents did it. It’s not just the trans thing; social media addictions are very common.


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