To Be or Not To…Identify as?

 Notice from the Thought Police:

 

 The verb “to be” will no longer be included in post-modern dictionaries. It has been replaced by the much more malleable “to identify as,” e.g., “I identify as a pickle.” See, you never used to be able to say, “I AM a pickle.” People might think you needed psychological help. Isn’t this a vast improvement? So liberating. So be all you can be! Um, no, I mean, identify as all you can identify as. Or something.

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